Love ‘em or hate ‘em, it’s just one of those things that you do, isn’t it, when a new book comes out?   Book signings, that is.  I’m not sure what I think of them, but I’ve just done my fair share – three consecutive Saturdays, since the publication of ‘The Courtesan’s Lover’, at different Waterstones stores –  and I thought I’d share a few random thoughts about the experience.

I imagine it’s a very different thing if you’re a Number One Bestseller:  you’d just sit there, pen in hand, smile in place, and scribble away at flyleaf after flyleaf, making people’s days as you write your hugely famous name in the front of their just-purchased copy of your new tome.  You might get a touch of RSI in the signing hand, and a tired face from smiling too much, but other than that, it would be a doddle, I reckon. 

For us lesser mortals, it’s a different matter.  You need to engage the public.  Ninety five percent (or more) of the potential buyers in that store that morning have never heard of you.  You need to focus them in your direction and (gently) persuade them that they might really be interested in picking up a copy of your book.  How do to this without seeming either pathetic or pushy is (to me, at any rate) something of a challenge. 

Has anyone out there any brilliant ruses that they use successfully at signings?  I’ll share below things I’ve been doing, but I bet masses of you have FAR better ways of selling successfully than I have! 

Here’s one thing:  a Society of Authors article ages ago suggested a piece of advice for which I’ve been grateful ever since:  have something with you that you can hand out to people as a freebie.  Book marks, pens, postcards, etc.  It’s SO much easier to go up to someone and say ‘Could I give you a free bookmark?’ than just to say ‘would you like to hear about my new book?’  Everyone likes to be given something for nothing – and something like a postcard or a bookmark is cheap to produce and easy to hand out. 

 I had a brainwave the other week – ‘The Courtesan’s Lover’ had just been reviewed in Italia Magazine, and I printed out the review, along with a photo of the jacket image, and took a pile of these along with me to the signing.  Then, when I doled out my free bookmarks, I could also say ‘and this is what Italia magazine thought of the book …’  At least a dozen people nodded vaguely and went off with the review, but came back later and said they’d decided to buy, on the strength of it.  My little ruse worked! 

Smiling and being friendly works, too.  In fact, one of the things I enjoy most about signings is the conversations I have with the people I meet.   Yesterday, I had a lovely chat with a lady who said she was planning to buy a copy of His Last Duchess for her daughter, who was about to travel half way around the world to meet the new love of her life.  She recounted a tale of such heart-rending romance that it brought tears to her eyes – and mine –  and we were almost at the point of hugging by the time I signed her copy.   Bless her!

 Another brilliant forty-something couple the other week had me in fits of laughter.  I was recounting the story of the writing of my two books, and at the point at which I told them that ‘in the course of writing the first story, I gave my duke a mistress’, the husband chimed up, (with the deadpan delivery of Jack Dee) ‘Hmm  – I wish someone would give ME a mistress’!   His wife immediately said in a loud voice, which carried right across Waterstones, ‘Hear that, people?  Bloke here wants a mistress.  Anyone interested?  Anyone brave enough to take him on?’ (It was clearly all in jest, and they obviously have the most brilliant relationship, I hastily point out here!)  I took the husband’s arm at this point and whispered ‘I think you seriously need to read my books …’  and he (still deadpan) agreed.  He bought both. 

A lovely old lady listened carefully to my descriptions of my first book, nodding sagely and drinking in every word.  Looking good for a sale, I was thinking to myself as I chattered on.  As I came to the end of my spiel, the old lady nodded and said, ‘Oh yes, that DOES sound interesting.  Just my sort of thing.  I’ll definitely get that … out of the library.’ (At this point I nearly resorted to that Twitter favourite, the *facepalm*) 

I spoke with a sculptor yesterday, who is going to keep me posted about her exhibitions.  I chatted with a lovely family, whose little girl writes poetry – she’s going to send me her poems for me to have a look at.  And I chatted with a bloke who gave me the most brilliant idea for a new signing venue – I’ll tell you what it is, when I’ve investigated its feasibility. 

They are funny experiences, I reckon, book signings.  In every sense of the word.  They can be hilarious, when you get chatting with genuinely amusing people.  They can be humbling, when you get to talk with people who have amazing stories to tell – and it’s surprising just how often people seem to open up and tell you the most extraordinary things! –  and they can be exhausting, when you don’t sell as well as you would like to. 

I’d love to hear your tales of signings.  Tell me about your experiences if you’re a writer trying to sell your books, or a reader getting your book signed.  Have you met authors who either lived up to, or entirely scuppered your preconceptions of them?  Brilliant ideas, funny stories, embarrassing moments – do share!   I’ll read them all and give a copy of ‘The Courtesan’s Lover’ to the story I enjoy the most!